Parents often, unwillingly and unknowingly miss out on the signs of their child’s struggles with mental health and well-being. This happens especially with younger children, who may not have the accurate verbal means to share their thoughts or feelings. Their struggles might be brushed off as ‘a phase’ or ‘attention seeking behaviour’. These struggles may be with regards to academics, building friendships, teasing in the home or classroom setting, family conflicts. Often, the child may say things like ‘I don’t want to go to school’ or ‘I don’t like going to a certain family member’s house’, or ‘I feel sick, is it okay if I miss school today?’. They may also refuse to partake in what once used to be their favourite activity. Sometimes, these behaviours or actions can be seen as excuses by the parents (especially when there is a test in school, and the child is feeling unwell). However, these may be ways that a child is trying to communicate their struggles, or their dislike towards something.
They may be facing difficulties in school with friends, classmates, teachers and they find that not going to school is a better option than facing the difficulty. Other behaviours that children may showcase in times of struggles could be refusing to participate in activities, wanting to spend more time alone or refusing to talk about certain topics.
Here are a few tips on what parents do to nurture a child’s mental well-being:
Active Listening: Whenever your child is sharing with you, listen with full attention, make eye contact and reflect back as your child speaks (e.g., “I can see getting a chance to answer in class was very important to you”). At times, you might be in the middle of work when your child approaches you, at these times if you cannot pause what you are doing you can convey to your child that you really want to pay full attention to what they are saying so is it okay to speak to them as soon as you are done? (Make sure you follow through). When listening to children avoid correction.
Regular check-ins: This can be at the end of the day when your child goes to bed, during an evening snack time- ask your child “How have you been feeling?”, “Is there anything at school or home that has been difficult for you?”. When children get the opportunity to actively talk about their well-being, they will! Don’t forget to thank them for confiding in you.
Emotional Validation: Often in a hurry to make our children feel better we might question their feelings (Why are you so upset that your friend didn’t speak to you?) or push them to get over the feeling (Don’t’ get angry at the teacher, tomorrow is a new day). These statements often convey to children that their feelings are unnecessary and unimportant.
In the midst of emotional overwhelm, it can be helpful to let your child know you get how they are feeling (e.g., saying, “I can see you felt really sad that your friend didn’t speak to you. That’s okay” or “Being told to not answer in class by the teacher, left you feeling very angry”)
Problem solve together: Feelings are to be accepted, behaviour changed. Whatever might be the difficulty your child is experiencing, ask them for ideas on what might help, suggest your ideas to them. Solutions arrived collaboratively are always the best, children can also be amazing problem solvers!
Trust your child, be curious about how they are doing and ensure that they take care of themselves.