by Rebecca Manari, Family Advisor at Sethu Centre for Child Development and Family Guidance
It’s of paramount importance to give the entire family support to handle the shock that comes from realising they have a child with a disability. Of course, Mom, or the primary caregiver is usually the central figure of supporting a family in our culture. Mom is the one usually holding everybody up even when their own world seems to be falling apart. Moms definitely require a lot of support to do what they do. However, the emotional needs of the rest of the family members are not to be overlooked.
It is very easy for dads to get caught off guard, and feel overwhelmed by the diagnosis as well. Often, siblings of the diagnosed child tend to feel left out and neglected while mom (and/or Dad) go down the rabbit hole of therapies, searching for schools, new diets, and medications, as the case may be. Grandparents can feel confused, not knowing exactly what they can do to help. Here are a few things that you can do together as a family, to help hold each other up through this difficult time.
- Acknowledge the feelings of everybody in the family: Not just the newly diagnosed child, but also the siblings, parents and grandparents. Allow everyone to know that whatever they’re feeling is valid, and perfectly okay. One child is angry that Mamma’s attention is focussed for too long on the other? That’s understandable! Dad is feeling like he’s losing control of his family? That’s perfectly fine too! Sure, it’s hard, but they can’t help how they feel. Acknowledging how everyone is feeling and letting them know it’s okay, is a good first step towards healing.
- Build your support system: Whenever you begin anything new, what helps is talking to someone who is already there. Picture this—you’re about to jump into a swimming pool, and you’re testing the water by first asking the ones in the pool how the temperature feels? Is it too cold or does it feel warm? That lets you know what to expect before you take the plunge! This support system isn’t just for moms and dads but siblings too!
- Becoming okay with being different: Encourage your family to learn that being different from each other is what makes the world so interesting. Take eyeglasses for example— what was once looked at as a disability, has now turned into a fashion statement with spectacle-wearers sporting all manner of frames and lanyards with a wide range of designs. Isn’t it remarkable how far we’ve come in accepting visual challenges and eyeglasses as a disability aid? Slowly, help the whole family come to terms with the fact that differences of your child/ grandchild/ sibling, is something everyone needs to own and embrace. This can be the start of a beautiful journey that is new and exciting.
- Make time for each other: Making quality time a priority for each of the children can go a long way in making them feel secure and loved. This doesn’t need to be elaborate shopping trips or amusement park rides! No, just having a bit of extra fun splashing each other at bathtime, or reading a story together at bedtime, and other fun daily or weekly rituals together can make this happen effectively.
- Make time for yourself: Making sure that you also look after yourself, is crucial. When we’re okay, we can take better care of those who depend on us. Make time for something that fills your cup. I get it— time is scarce, but there are many things you can do. Some online shopping, cooking your own favourite dish once every week, rather than putting everyone else’s favourite first, are easy ways of looking after your needs without going off your regular schedule.
- Declutter your home: Decluttering your home is a very effective way to simplify your life. When we have children, the house can get cluttered and messy in no time. Getting rid of the clutter not only makes the house easier to manage, and makes the environment less overwhelming for your child, but when your surroundings are clean and simple, it can feel very refreshing and pleasant for the entire family. When your lives feel like they’re getting thrown off track after diagnosis, it’s only natural to forget appointments, lose your keys, but keeping the home basic and minimalist can help!
By working as a team and being there for one another, families can create a nurturing and loving environment where everyone feels understood and valued. Take the time to implement these strategies and remember that you are not alone in this journey. Reach out to others for support, be kind to yourself, and cherish the unique qualities that make your family special. Together, you can overcome any obstacle and thrive as a resilient and united family.