Author: Aileen de Souza | October 19th, 2021
We all love praise, it brings positive feelings, makes us confident and motivates us to do better. Children with Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder – ADHD, often receive feedback and attention for misbehaviour, may be labelled as ‘naughty’, ‘non-compliant, ‘destructive’. Descriptive praise can be a step to help children identify their strengths and offer an alternate narrative of who they are. But is it as simple and straightforward as we think? Our intention of when we praise, our relationship with our children and the language we use all make a big difference.
Why praise your child?
When a parent or teacher talks about what the child has done, the child knows exactly what has brought them the recognition and they are more likely to repeat this behaviour. The children also feel good and praise themselves and think, “I can do things well and I am capable”. This self-praise is effective in building a child’s sense of self. If the child gets attention when they are behaving appropriately, they do not need to use misbehaviour to get noticed. Thus, also bringing about positive changes in their behaviour.
What are some types of praise?
Parents or teachers often praise children by telling them how wonderful they are. This is called ‘direct praise’ as it focuses on the child’s character or personality, for example, “You are so nice! You are such a good artist”. Unfortunately, direct praise often does not work, as it evaluates the child and pressurises them. It is like too much sunshine – overwhelming and uncomfortable.
When do I praise my child?
Praise children more for their effort rather than only performance. If your child is drawing, rather than commenting “great drawing” you can say “I can see you have patiently coloured within the lines”. Avoid praising by using comparisons such as “You completed your homework faster than your sister”. Praise positive behaviour when you notice it.
What is descriptive praise?
Descriptive praise focuses on the actual behaviour of the child for example, “You shared your biscuit with your friend. Well done!”, rather than talking about the character of the child, that is, “You are so sweet”. While describing what your child has done, one does not have to lie or exaggerate – just focus on what you see.
How do I use descriptive praise?
There are three simple ways to use descriptive praise effectively:
SEE – Say what you see. For example, “I see you clearing up your toys and putting them in place”.
FEEL – Say what you feel. For example, “I feel happy to see you pay attention to your work”.
NAME – Give the behaviour a name. For example, “That’s what I call responsibility”.
When using descriptive praise, it is VERY important to remember to avoid adding an instruction or scolding, for example, “You cleaned your room very well. Please make sure you do this every day”. Just stick to describing good actions, in this case, you’d stop at “You cleaned your room very well”. and do not go on to say something that takes away from the appreciation and you are good to go.
AILEEN DE SOUZA
Psychologist