Author: Madhura Joshi| December 07, 2020
One evening, post work, I received this message from a high school teacher – “Is this Madhura Joshi from Sethu? I got your number from a friend. She said you work with adolescents and you would be able to help me with my concerns and queries. Madhura Ma’am, can I call you? I need to discuss something urgently.”
I could sense her urgency so I asked her to call. The teacher introduced herself and shared, “I am at a loss and don’t really know how to deal with this. One of my students is harming herself. I am so disturbed since I learned about it. I asked a few of my colleagues without disclosing the student’s identity.”
She went on to share, “I got so many different answers and they are equally disturbing. The responses ranged from ‘It is just to get attention, nothing else’ or ‘Many teens do this – it’s nothing to worry about’ to ‘It is just a phase’ and ‘These days children do weird things , it’s just the generation who can’t handle themselves well and resort to such things, this is nothing new’. Some colleagues even shared that “I know many of my students now and earlier who used to harm themselves, don’t make a big deal of it” and some also suggested that we as teachers don’t have to get into it as this is not our job and “If you are so concerned, call the parents and get it off your shoulders or take the student to higher management – we can’t tolerate such nonsense in our school, we have a reputation, this student is heading towards killing self – let us take it to authorities.”
This concerned teacher shared, “Ma’am, the responses have greatly disturbed me so much so that I am unable to sleep well and my inner voice isn’t allowing me to rest, sensing that my student needs my help. I have been grappling with thoughts about ‘Is this student having some emotional issue or is in difficult circumstances? Bullying? Relationships matter? Any kind of abuse? Is the student suicidal?’ Why would anyone want to harm themselves? Should I talk about my student about it? How do I do that? Will reading about it give me the answers I want?”
The teacher was obviously really concerned and feeling truly helpless. She eagerly wanted to know more about self harm and how she could help her student. I sincerely thanked her for her genuine approach and attitude towards this issue and acknowledged the fact that anyone can be loss with something like a self-injurious/self-harming behaviour. It is natural to be worried, concerned and she was right that it is certainly not something to be ignored or brushed off.
Self harm is indeed a very common yet unaddressed topic in today’s stressful world. Stay tuned to this space for my next post on this story.
MADHURA JOSHI
Rehabilitation Psychologist and Research Coordinator