Author: Trisha Saldanha | June 2nd, 2021
Adoption had always been something that I have thought about growing up, but at the same time had a number of unanswered questions. If like me, you too have wondered what the process is like, how can I prepare myself or when is the right time to talk about this with my adopted child – then you are in the right place. Read on to hear first-hand, the experiences of a mother of two lovely adopted children.
Q: According to you, how easy or lengthy is the adoption process? Ans: “Since the centralisation of the adoption process through CARA, overall it has become easier in terms of the legality and the paperwork process. Based only on my assumption of hearing stories of people who have walked into an orphanage and adopted outright, I am not sure whether the new system is easier. But for the country as a whole, the online process means that there are strict guidelines, more stringent policies and laws that are meant to serve all the parties involved. It is now easier for foreign nationals and NRIs to adopt Indian children. Due to social changes and health issues leading to more couples unable to conceive, the wait for potential parents can be very lengthy. In the 0-2 year age group, the minimum wait is now 3 years from the date of application, an eternity for desperate parents.”
Q: How did you prepare yourself emotionally and mentally while making the decision to adopt a child? Ans: “To be honest, we didn’t do much preparation aside from physical ones. Getting clothes, formula and things for our child. It has always been on our minds to adopt and therefore, it was an open discussion between my husband and me regarding this. I don’t think till I started reading up more on the subject did I start to really do research and start working on the other aspects of adoption.”
Q: How has your decision to adopt a child made a difference in your life? Ans: “It’s a decision I made when I was 12. So not much difference. It was not as a consequence of an infertility issue (though that is present) or pressure to have children or anything. For me, I always wanted to adopt so it’s been the natural thing to do.”
Q: ‘An adopted child will always be second-best’. Do you feel this attitude is still prevalent today? How have you helped your child, yourself and your immediate family deal with such archaic attitudes? Ans: “I don’t know if second best is the right terminology, but if I had a rupee for every time someone asked us “Why didn’t you have your own first” I would have a whole lot of loot! As an attitude, it definitely still exists. Having ‘your own’ child is a priority for most people, but then again having a child at all is also a prescedent for most people. I do still think that there is a taboo attached to adoption in India. In Goa, which we consider to be a progressive state, it is here too but maybe in a very subtle way.
It’s important to understand that adoptees aren’t the same as biological children. Their needs are very different. Parents need to make a tremendous amount of room for them, especially if a family has a mix of biological and adopted children. As a family, our parents were very supportive of our decision. Though they may have had reservations, I’ve never seen it interfere with our relationship or in their relationship with our children. The same goes for our friends, we have been very fortunate to have a very loving and nurturing support structure.”
TRISHA SALDANHA Fellow – Occupational Therapist