Sitting in a hairdresser’s chair for 30 minutes sounds like a simple ask but for children with sensory processing difficulties like autism spectrum disorder (ASD), the sounds, sensations and smells can feel traumatic for both them and their caregivers, as Drina Fernandes, mother of Jonathan, 18, discovered when he was a toddler. “In the beginning I thought it was normal for a kid to be uncomfortable about having his hair cut. When Jonathan was diagnosed with ASD at about three and a half years old and his therapist explained that children with ASD are very sensitive to sensory stimuli, I realised that was the reason for his unusual behaviour”.
The mother-son duo’s adventures at the salon began with Drina identifying a place where the stylists were amendable to altering their approach to accommodate her child. Since she only had the weekends off work, she needed to schedule appointments accordingly, coordinate with two cousins to come in to coax and restrain Jonathan, and time everything so that it didn’t coincide with his nap time. The AC had to be on. Jonathan had to be seated in front of a mirror where he could see exactly where the scissors were moving. Extra time had to be scheduled because he’d wander off every few minutes. After his spanking new look, they’d head to the store next door for a bag of chips.
It worked until the family moved to a different neighbourhood. Jonathan’s stylist began coming home, following him around the house with a trail of locks in their wake. Then came the pandemic. “I began cutting Jonathan’s hair myself during the lockdowns and realised it was quite easy,” Drina says.
Watching a child in different situations is key to both their wellbeing and the parents’, she believes. Observing Jonathan closely led Drina to see that the sound of scissors, particularly behind his ears was especially distressing for him so she ordered a quieter pair of clippers online. “Maybe he associates them with cutting open a packet of biscuits or chips and fears that it’s going to cut his ears,” she says. “I always advise parents to write down their observations”.
Drina makes sure she has all here equipment ready to use in front of the chair and mirror at her makeshift home salon before Jonathan takes his place. Sh noticed that while Jonathan disliked having a cape tied or clipped too snugly around his neck, freshly cut bits of hair clinging to his skin made him just as uncomfortable. She would drape the cape loosely over his shoulders and brush his neck and shoulders as soon as any hair fell over it. He still wanders around in between but less so than before. At times she must finish the job the following day, after trimming the sides and back of his head the first time around if he isn’t in the mood.
Occupational therapy and social stories, both of which Jonathan began at age 5 and continued with until he was about 13, were incredibly helpful, his mother says. In addition to helping him tolerate haircuts, they also eased sensory difficulties with wearing footwear and clothing, and lying on bedsheets at night.
“The moral of the story is not to give up on your child,” Drina says. “Observe your child, be open to alternatives, understand there’s a reason for the behaviour that makes perfect sense to them. Our children’s behaviour can be overwhelming at times. We must bear in mind that they’re not doing it just to trouble us”.
As a Family Advisor at Sethu, Drina Fernandes provides support and guidance to our parent support groups.
If you’re a parent of a child with a disability or learning difficulties, please feel welcome to join. We will always protect your privacy. For more information on joining our parent support groups, please email [email protected]