Author: Trisha Saldanha | June 4th, 2021
Q: As an adoptive parent, do you have a message for parents who are considering adoption?
Ans: “Read, research and learn as much about adoption and the adoptee as you can. Don’t think that your adoptee is the exception.
Tell the truth. I cannot stress this enough. Lying to your child about adoption can go very badly.
Remind yourself often: Your adoptee can love more than one set of parents. You won’t receive lesser love by them loving others. In fact, it will help bring you closer.
Educate yourself by listening to other adoptee voices. Sometimes it’s very hard to listen to, but rust me, learning what I learned from adoptees has required me to turn 360 degrees on a lot of things I ‘logically’ thought were right and reversed assumptions.
Learn how and what to talk to your child about their journey. There are a lot of topics, resources and information available online so make good use of them. Follow adoptees on social media and see what they have to say. It can be very tough to sit through, but always remind yourself that no matter how tough, it is not even your life, so imagine how much harder it is for your child to live through. Make the emotional sacrifice for them, your the adult after all.
One of the biggest mistakes we made in the first few years after adoption was to be extremely forthcoming about our adoption journey. We chalked it up to ‘helping others’ and ‘breaking the taboo’. Lots of people did tell us not to be so open about adoption but we always attributed it to shame. What I have learned in the interim is they were right. But not about shame. We needed to stop shouting adoption from the rooftops because our children deserve their privacy and the right to their own story, should they decide to tell it. It is one thing to be an avid supporter or advocate for adoption, it is quite another to think that their story is ours to tell. In the new world of social media and transparency, its even more important for us to nurture their privacy.”
If you as an adoptive parent are struggling with disclosure, bullying or any other stressor with regards to adoption, do feel free to contact us at Sethu.
For further information on the adoption process in India check out: http://cara.nic.in/
TRISHA SALDANHA Fellow – Occupational Therapist