Beyond Perfect: What Children Really Need to Thrive
Sep 9, 2026
Senior Psychologist and Coordinator, Mental Health Programme
“The greatest illusion is that life should be perfect”
This thought-provoking quote from one of my favourite books The boy, the Mole, the Fox and the Horse feels particularly relevant when we think about our children growing up today. From an early age, children receive messages, sometimes unintentionally that being successful means getting the best marks, being good at everything, having many friends, looking a certain way or always being happy.
But what if childhood (like much of life) is not meant to be perfect. Children will experience disappointment, failure, conflict, loneliness and uncertainty. What matters is whether they have the relationships, skills and support to navigate these experiences. It is the latter that needs our attention, rather than creating a life that is “perfect.”
10th September marks World Suicide Prevention day and it is important to remember that prevention begins much earlier. It is not only about what we do when a child reaches a crisis; it begins in the everyday ways we create connection, safety and belonging.
Practice connection: Listen to children without immediately correcting, questioning or solving. A child who regularly experiences being heard is more likely to turn to a trusted adult when something feels wrong.
Normalise imperfection: Let children know that mistakes are part of learning. Celebrate effort, kindness, growth as much as outcomes.
Make space for discomfort: Our instinct as adults is often to protect children from disappointment, frustration and failure. But children also need opportunities to experience manageable difficulty and discover, “This is hard, but I can handle it.” This does not mean leaving children to struggle alone or exposing them to overwhelming distress. It means staying alongside them, offering support when needed, while allowing them to experience challenges, recover and learn that difficult feelings can be tolerated.
Give emotions a place: Instead of asking only “How was school?” try, “What was the best part of your day?” or “was there anything that felt difficult?”. Supporting children to develop a language for emotions can make it easier to communicate when they need support.
Make asking for help ordinary: Children need to hear, long before they are struggling, that seeking help is okay. Adults can model this by acknowledging their own challenges and showing children that nobody has to manage everything alone.
And this responsibility does not belong only to parents. Every adult who has a child in their life has an opportunity to make a difference, be it a teacher who notices a change, a coach who checks in, a grandparent who makes time to listen, an older sibling who stays connected, or a family friend who creates a safe space to talk.
Most importantly, listen when children tell us they are struggling. Avoid dismissing their feelings or comparing their experiences with someone else’s. Take them seriously, stay connected and seek appropriate support when needed. We cannot make childhood free from difficulty, nor should we try to. Our goal is to surround children with enough connection, acceptance and support that they know they do not have to face the difficult parts alone.
This World Suicide Prevention Day, perhaps the most important question for every adult is simple: Which child in my life knows they can come to me when life feels difficult? And have I told them?